The Existential Crisis That Comes With A First Blog Post

September 21, 2023

It all began with a shower.

I wish I was kidding. I was washing my hair, minding my own business—finally free from the constant neediness of my three toddlers and newborn—and trying to find a few moments of peace to regroup, to make it through the dinner and bedtime spiral of exhaustion. Life was full, and messy, and chaotic, and beautiful, and so so so draining…most of the time, in the best way.

And that’s when the scene appeared in my mind, fully formed, clear as day. Sisters, on a cliffside, a storm on the horizon.

I hadn’t written in years. Reading was something I had recently picked back up, nursing babies for hours giving me a chance to bury myself in story in some fashion. But writing…that took more time. More brainpower than I possessed. More internal processing than I was capable of.

So, I did what I was good at. I ignored it. I pushed it away, gave myself excuse after excuse to avoid writing. It was too hard. I was too busy.

But the scene I saw wouldn’t go away.

I dreamed about it. The story came to me so clearly, and eventually I dusted off my poor neglected laptop, and took notes. Those notes filled pages, the pages became chapters, and after five months of frantic typing in the dead of night, while my partner snored beside me, I had a completed story.

Too many words. Too many typos. Unnecessary scenes, plot holes, HADs galore. It was a mess.

But the first draft of my Sister Book was born. I felt so connected to something bigger than myself. It was therapeutic, it was healing. I don’t know if this is everyone’s experience, but I was drowning in motherhood. Raising my girls was all I did, because the work never ended. I felt as if there was no room in my own life for me. That feeling is still there some days, years later, but it’s less often. And I’ve continued to write.

Four completed manuscripts.

Five hundred rounds of revision (it feels like, at least).

Two published short stories.

Tens of thousands of pages read on honing storytelling. Story structure. Grammar. Writing in general. Formatting.

Hours upon hours of talking about writing, discussing and brainstorming with the amazing friends I’ve made on this journey.

A million ideas living in my head.

So, hi. I’m Amanda. I don’t quite know how this blog is going to go, but that’s where this all began. A desperate mother, a lost woman trying to find herself again. Trying to keep her head above the waves. And now, an addiction. The ideas keep coming, and so I will keep writing.

Are you feeling the same? A story pulling at your heartstrings, stirring in your chest, with a life of its own? Been there.

I’m hoping to use this blog for reading updates and writing practices, including tips and tricks I’ve found for making time to be creative in a busy life, and to document my querying/publishing journey.